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"On the outside, looking in"

I was pretty sheltered as a child. I remember never being able to do the things that other kids were allowed to do - like go on sleepovers, go camping with friends, you know, the fun stuff. Oh, I eventually got to do it, but it always seemed like I got to do things much later than everyone else.

There is one morning that I rather specifically remember. I was up early - I couldn't sleep, probably because I was sick. I was always sick back then. Always sick, and perpetually unhappy. I heard the kids playing outside, running races in the streets. Now as I look back on that situation, I'm guessing that those "kids" were probably teenagers, and they'd probably been out all night partying and were just getting back home. But I was feeling sorry for myself, and I figured they were kids I could play with, if I were allowed to go outside that early. That sense of wistfulness was something I never forgot, and that's what inspired the poem that I wrote in high school.

Looking out, one spring morning,
of my window high,
Crystal clear thoughts were dawning.
Children were running by.
"How young and full of life they are;
How happy they seem to be."
I wished for one small moment that that girl down there was me.

I wrote a lot of poetry in high school - most of it was pretty bad. It's no masterpiece, but what I really love about this poem, is that when I read it, I am transported back in time, to that little, lonely, sick girl, wistfully looking outside her window one late spring morning, and wishing she could be running races in the street. I don't know why that makes me love it, because I was pretty miserable back then, but I do.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 8th, 2010 06:44 am (UTC)
We can get pretty nostalgic for things that we really have no reason to be nostalgic for. I look back on some of my worst times in school now as "oh, what fun we kids had." Almost as if it happened to somebody else. Heh.
Mar. 9th, 2010 07:12 am (UTC)
Completely agreed!
Mar. 9th, 2010 12:51 pm (UTC)
I can relate to this....My parents said "no" a lot too, and I feel like I missed out on a lot of kid fun....I didn't make a lot of bad choices b/c I wasn't given the opportunity to try. I hated being a late bloomer.
Mar. 11th, 2010 05:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, I wasn't quite as deprived as my post makes me out to be... I got to do a lot of stuff, but it was a different sort of thing. I was highly involved in competitive sport, and my parents were crazy supportive with that - but amazingly protective with everything else.

Mar. 10th, 2010 02:43 am (UTC)
It is amazing how something such as a poem or a song can take you back to a different time...
Mar. 11th, 2010 05:43 am (UTC)
I completely agree - I can still hear the old air-conditioner in the background as I remember looking out the window and watching those kids. It's amazing the detail we file away without even realize we've noticed it.
Mar. 11th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
Golly, I'm sorry you had to grow up that way. :(
Mar. 15th, 2010 01:42 am (UTC)
Oh, I don't think I grew up nearly as "deprived" as it may have come across in my post. I had pretty supportive parents, just very strict and cautious parents. Plus I had a tendency to feel sorry for myself a lot.

Thanks for reading!
Mar. 12th, 2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
It is always interesting to look back at what we created when we were young. I have a few poems like that, I look at them now and ache to edit them, but that would be unfair to the 17 year old me.

I like this little poem, and how totally it pulls me into feeling stuck and sad.
Mar. 15th, 2010 01:43 am (UTC)
Thank you! I completely agree - I wanted so very much to edit the poem, but it wouldn't have been fair to the person that I was when I wrote it :)

Thanks for coming by!
Mar. 13th, 2010 01:12 pm (UTC)
Aww, I know what you mean about getting nostalgic for the past, even sometimes for things that weren't so wonderful when they happened.
Mar. 15th, 2010 01:43 am (UTC)
It's funny how that happens, isn't it? Thank you for reading!
Mar. 13th, 2010 07:00 pm (UTC)
When I look back on my former journals/poems, etc., a lot of times I cringe...but other times, I can look back and appreciate the person I was more fully. And also see how far I've come.

I really enjoyed this simple piece.
Mar. 15th, 2010 01:44 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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