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I'm not really ready to do this again

I haven't posted in a while - there's been a lot going on.

Most significantly, my Baba collapsed last week in her home. When they took her in and had her assessed, she's got end-stage cancer and it's already in her liver. At that point we knew she had weeks.

I saw her last night, and we talked a little bit... they had her in the surgery ward since there was no beds available in palliative care.

Last night after I left, a bed opened and she moved into palliative care. Then she had a stroke.

I had to go into the palliative care unit again today, for the first time since dad died. It was hard to walk in, but it was ok once I got in there.

Her pulse is really weak, and she looks close to the end. I give it two days tops, and there's a good chance she'll go tonight.

She's ready to go. She's been wanting to go for a long time now.

I'm finding myself constantly making comparisons to what's happening to her, and what happened with my dad, and I'm reliving his death all over again.

It's not the same this time, but it still really really hurts.

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Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)
Thank you.
phaedie
Dec. 9th, 2009 05:04 am (UTC)
If ever I could hug you it would be now. <3
This year has been awful for things like this and all I can think is I'm never really ready to go through it with anyone I care about. :(
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)
Yeah, I don't think it's something we're ever really ready for.
joeymichaels
Dec. 9th, 2009 07:16 am (UTC)
So sorry to hear this! My thoughts are with you and your family!
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)
Thank you <3
murun
Dec. 9th, 2009 07:54 am (UTC)
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)
egbert
Dec. 9th, 2009 03:49 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear about this. And right at the holidays as well. Bummer.
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:36 am (UTC)
She actually died a few hours after I posted. And probably, considering the state she was in, it will allow us to celebrate a little bit. On a scale of comparative suffering, she didn't suffer for very long.
(Deleted comment)
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:37 am (UTC)
Thank you <3
sirsheepshape
Dec. 10th, 2009 06:53 am (UTC)
I'm sorry that you are going through this, but remember that death is a 'given' in life. You will see her again in Heaven - releaved of all the pain and debilitation that her illness has caused. I am raising you both up to the Almighty, praying for peace, for you both. You certainly are not forgotten, Sharya. *hugs*
sharya
Dec. 11th, 2009 04:38 am (UTC)
Thank you so much. That, in fact, has been the one thing that has been really helping - the fact that she's not really gone forever; we're just separated for a little while.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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