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Sept 11 weekend

In the weeks leading up to the anniversary of my dad's death, I started to have a lot of memories of what was happening a year ago. I started remembering really specific details of things that are probably best forgotten. We had planned on spending that day, and entire weekend, at the lake - my dad's favourite place. And mine. But Jason had some industry work that needed to be done at work. So I was left with a day off all alone, on the actual anniversary day. I thought about it for five minutes and just went to work. Fuck having a day off. I can't imagine a worse thing for me than to spend that entire day alone with no specific plans. Good decision to go to work.

We ended up leaving for the lake after work, and it was ok. Things got immediately better once I was there. Even though it was his place, and the place is filled with memories of him, they're good memories, and it's a happy peaceful place. It didn't hurt to be there, and in fact it helped. We had the most beautiful weather we've seen all summer, and it was absolutely fabulous with hardly anyone up there. We had the entire beach to ourselves for a while... it was a very private weekend. I'll post about the fact that our cabin was broken into, in another post. Suffice it to say that it didn't ruin my weekend. I hope I can spend every anniversary up there.

My mother and my sister had a pretty rough time of it I think. In the weeks leading up to the anniversary, they started having dreams of his last hours. They also started to randomly see him lying in bed. Both of them are living alone. Both of them were also working the day of the anniversary. I am really grateful for having my kids and husband to help distract me in this past year. It's really made things bearable, and it's made the grief less sharp.

I still haven't been able to go back and visit his grave. I really need to do that one of these days...

I am really glad this year is over.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
avecvu
Sep. 21st, 2009 11:58 am (UTC)
<3

Anniversaries are so hard. I'm glad you got to take a peaceful day in a place that he loved.
sharya
Sep. 22nd, 2009 05:18 am (UTC)
Thank you; me too. The day ended up being better than I could have hoped.
egbert
Sep. 22nd, 2009 01:36 am (UTC)
It gets easier as the years go by.
sharya
Sep. 22nd, 2009 05:20 am (UTC)
This is what I am told. I am wondering if that date will always be one of those dates that I will remember forever, as the anniversary of his death? Although it really doesn't help that it was Sept. 11. I really wish it had been another day, just because that is already a historical day of loss and sorrow.

Edited at 2009-09-22 05:20 am (UTC)
virtual_geisha
Sep. 22nd, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
My deepest condolences my lovely...I am aware of the heartache that can come from losing someone you cherish (but that's not to say that I know for certain what you are feeling atm, I'm not that presumptuous) it's been way too many times for me, especially this year...death seems to be around me a little too closely than I'd like these days :/

I'm glad that you managed to get a sense of peace from this outing...I didn't really have the kind of closure I was looking for when my father passed away.. I hope you had a chance to bond with him, that you and were able to give mutual love/vibes back and forth between you before his departure of this earth came to be <3

I get the feeling that you have no remorse for the relationship that you shared with your father and that is a sure sign that you and him truly loved one another, and for that, you are most fortunate...for I never felt that kind of bittersweet mourning like you're dealing with, mine was more resentful then regretful as the years go on, especially since he didn't to see my two lovely contributions to the world *my daughters :3* before he passed away. I am hoping that he was able to see the little one before he parted ways, I'm sorry for being unsure of what has taken place in your daily adventures, I don't usually have the time to sit down and read other people's words/life stories very often so I am horribly out of the loop...forgive me for my absence/ignorance >_<;

I hope you are fairing well my lady...and that the beginning of the week has treated you kindly so far ;) <3
sharya
Oct. 8th, 2009 07:15 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for your comment. I received the email notification, but didn't have a chance to reply at the time. I hope life is also treating you quite a bit better, and it is nice to see you posting on lj again :)
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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