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He's Gone...

Friends Locked because the rest of my family has not yet been notified.
*** Edit: Now public.

Dad died at 3am on Thursday September 11, 2008.

Mom called me at 3:08am.

My sister had come to see him right after I left... around 11-11:30. Around 1am, she called me from the hospital to let me know that his breathing had become more laboured. She had called Mom and Mom was on her way to the hospital. I was nursing Stephen at the time, and felt I should probably get a few hours of sleep, because I knew it was going to be today. I didn't expect him to go quite so fast, but I'm grateful that he did.

My sister was sleeping on the couch and Mom was with him. She heard a change in his breathing rhythm, and she got up to hold his hand and look him in the eye. His eyes were wide open, but she couldn't tell if he was aware at that point. His breathing got more and more shallow, and she stayed with him until it stopped. She woke my sister, and they were with him when his heart stopped. He was with family, and it was very peaceful... as much as it could be under the circumstances. I came down to the hospital as soon as I heard, before they moved him. I didn't feel like he was still there when I got there, but Karen said she still felt his presence. We said our goodbyes as a family.

I am grateful that I took a medical leave from work before the baby, and spent time with him before he deteriorated. I am grateful that I saw him tonight and was able to say to him the things I needed to say. I am grateful that he was able to see and recognize each of myself, my sister, and my mother, and know that we were with him, even though he was not able to respond to us. I am grateful that he did not die alone. I am grateful that he is no longer suffering.

And with all of these things I am grateful for, I am so very sad that he is gone. There is an empty place in my heart and it hurts.

Comments

( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
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avecvu
Sep. 11th, 2008 12:09 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry, Shar. I hope you and your family are okay. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
We're getting there. Thank you.
catdraco
Sep. 11th, 2008 12:32 pm (UTC)
My condolences. *hugs*
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
Thank you.
bertine
Sep. 11th, 2008 12:41 pm (UTC)
Shar! I am so sorry. :(


sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
Thank you.
amyames
Sep. 11th, 2008 12:52 pm (UTC)
I'm so very sorry.
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
Thank you.
rpeate
Sep. 11th, 2008 12:57 pm (UTC)
I am sorry.
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
Thank you.
egbert
Sep. 11th, 2008 01:04 pm (UTC)
I have been there with my mother. Died in a hospital with cancer at 52. I was only 23 at the time.

We all have to go sometime. You can at least be thankful he went peacefully, and that you had time to say goodbye.

Take care.
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:37 am (UTC)
Thank you. Yes, as far as it goes, the actual "death" part couldn't have gone any better considering the circumstances. Someone was with him all day while he was suffering in his last hours, and he was with family when he died. We each were able to say goodbye. I don't know what else we could have asked for.
trinacutie
Sep. 11th, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC)
My heart aches for you. I know that pain. Sweetie, Im so sorry.

Much hugs


sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:37 am (UTC)
Thank you <3
synodalhaj
Sep. 11th, 2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
Very sorry to hear, Shar.

Anything you need us to do?
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss too.

I think we'll be ok. I think. And thank you for the flowers... they're beautiful!
sew_crafty_girl
Sep. 11th, 2008 03:10 pm (UTC)
Shar, I'm so sad for you.

Perhaps Buzzer is getting some extra chin scratches now.
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
I suspect she is, thank you.
feelingsuperior
Sep. 11th, 2008 04:17 pm (UTC)
I cam not even imagine losing my dad..... I am sorry for your loss shar... Id give you a big hug if I could
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:39 am (UTC)
Thank you.
crak
Sep. 11th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
:(
don't know what I can say other than I'm sorry.
All of your friends love you, sweetie :)
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:39 am (UTC)
Thank you.
genitalsmckool
Sep. 11th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry for your loss Shar, be thankful you have a family around you to share your grief.
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:39 am (UTC)
I am, thank you.
sunnycrittenden
Sep. 11th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. *hugs*
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:39 am (UTC)
Thank you.
mindslide
Sep. 11th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, lady...

My father did the same with his eyes. It was like he wasn't in his physical body anymore, or rather, like he was leaving. After seeing that, I think that the soul leaves the body through the eyes.

It will be a while before the hurt is gone. The hole will always be present & noticable, but after a while, it won't hurt anymore.
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:40 am (UTC)
I hear you. I think the intensity will diminish over time. Thank you.
namino
Sep. 11th, 2008 06:17 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry for your loss. (hugs)
sharya
Sep. 14th, 2008 11:40 am (UTC)
Thank you.
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( 49 comments — Leave a comment )

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