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The good and the not so good

So being a mom is kinda cool. I've decided I like it. So far.

She's just over a month old now, and growing so fast. I'm finding it hard to get used to all the changing she's doing... it's like she's growing everyday, and I can visibly see it. She's much more alert now and looking around... being much more aware of her surroundings. She's even sleeping through the night if I let her, but I need to wake her up around 5am to feed, otherwise I get too uncomfortable. I know, I know... I'm so lucky... yes yes, everyone's been saying. sleeping through the night before one month of age is awesome.

The problem is that it means she's up for most of the day, and I don't know what to do with her exactly. I mean she's awake, but she can't really play yet... and she's not hungry, so she just kinda lies there and kicks. I try talking to her and stuff, but I really don't know what I'm doing. I'll be glad when she can play a bit, then I won't feel so useless.

I definitely like breastfeeding. It's really helped me bond to her, and she's just so cute when she's eating. I like the feeling of knowing that I'm providing the very best that I can for her, and that I can give her everything she needs. It's neat too that she can smell me when I walk into the room, and just generally knows when I'm there... I feel very useful and needed - when I'm breast-feeding that is.

Buzzer was initially wary of her, but giving Buzzy constant attention (as much as I'm able to) has made her feel less threatened, and now she'll even come and sit beside Alex. She basically ignores her.

Buzzer isn't doing so well. She's responded well to the kidney meds, but is continuing to lose weight rapidly. She's eating enough for two kitties, but isn't absorbing it. The word "cancer" has been tossed around by the vet. There's nothing to be done. She's less than four pounds now, and probably won't live another month. It's devastating. I got one baby girl and I'm losing my other one. She doesn't have much strength anymore and as of this week can't jump up on the bed assisted. She cries for attention a lot, and I give it as much as I'm able, but I can't always come to her when she cries. Jason and I talked, and it's obvious she loves us a lot because she's still fighting it, she's not giving up. It takes her so much energy to come up the stairs, and yet she's doing it to be with us and to cuddle with us. When she can't come up the stairs anymore, then we'll know it's time to do something. It hurts to see her like this.

I'm doing not too badly, aside from being devastated about Buzzer. Things were healing nicely until I stumbled yesterday and hurt myself. Pulled the incision pretty good. Took it easy last night and most of today, but it's still sore. I hope it's better tomorrow and that I haven't done any major damage.

I've been writing out my memory of the day she was born and I'm about half-way through... it's hard to get a big chunk of uninterrupted time, so that update is in the works. The pictures are still forthcoming, mostly because Jason took his flashcard to work and I need to get that back from him before I can upload.


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 17th, 2006 04:23 am (UTC)
im so glad you are doing well. (besides the re-injury part) i think about you and how you are coping with your new bundle. =) i had to chuckle at your comment about not knowing what to say to her. jean said the same thing. i just babble endlessly to my boy. i talk about paying the bills and whats happening on the tv. he doesnt care what i say, just as long as i say something. hehe. you will absolutely adore 4 months. thats when they get really fun.

im sorry to hear about your kitty. that must be rough to deal with.

i cant seem to get enough time to post about Bauer's birth story either. *sigh* one day, mostly because im a picturing posting fool...lol! hope to see pics of your beautiful girl soon. =D

Mar. 21st, 2006 04:36 pm (UTC)
We got a swing last night so I'm hoping the swing will help keep her occupied. I can only talk so much in a day before my voice starts to go on me :P

I hope you can post Bauer's birth story; I definitely want to read it!
Mar. 17th, 2006 04:31 am (UTC)
I'm happy to hear you and your daughter are doing well. I am sorry to hear about your kitty though. I know that must be rough. {hug}
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks Charlie... it is rough. I just wish I knew what the problem was :(
Mar. 17th, 2006 04:55 am (UTC)
I love you, Buzzer. I am sending you kitty energy and thinking chickeny thoughts for you.
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:37 pm (UTC)
Mar. 17th, 2006 05:30 am (UTC)
Oh ouch, I'm so sorry about Buzzer. I don't know if it helps or hurts to know my little Princess got to 4.25 pounds before she was properly diagnosed and then got cured, and lived two and a half more years (to 21.5). But she couldn't do stairs either by then... blind and rather confused. Poor sweetie. I'm glad you're just loving her the best you can. It's what she's sticking around for.

And I am glad you are liking being a mom! Alex can tell, I betcha!
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)
I wish we could get her properly diagnosed... unfortunately by this time, the tests that are left are in the hundreds and thousands of dollars range... we just can't do it, and it doesn't look like she has enough in her to make it even if we did get it :(
Mar. 21st, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC)
Ouch, that is really rough. It's so sad that we love them so much and their lives are so much shorter than ours. Lots of love and scritches and kitty-treats to the Buzzgirl!
Mar. 17th, 2006 07:10 am (UTC)
♥ to buzzer
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you ♥
Mar. 17th, 2006 01:02 pm (UTC)
Hey you don't have to entertain the baby, just talk about nothing to her.. she will prolly just enjoy the sound of your voice.

I'm sure Buzzer loves you all and will hang in there for you.
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC)
I can only talk for so long before my voice quits!

Buzzer is hanging in there... she's doing much more than I ever thought she could or would do.
Mar. 17th, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
Poor Buzzer. I'm so sorry.

You don't really need to entertain the baby. I mean, right now, she's entertained by the fact she has feet. Just be sure to move her around sometimes so she can see different things.

Marisha slept through the night early too. It's the best. :)
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC)
Yeah that's a good idea... moving her around. I've been trying that and have been experiencing some success with it. Thanks!
Mar. 17th, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC)
Oh I am so sorry about Buzzer. Hopefully she'll pull through this. I've seen cats go on an have several more pretty good months like that. Just make sure you don't hold on past the point whe it's no longer good. Hard decision to make, I know.

As for the kiddo, I suggest now as the best time to begin brainwashing her. Talk to her about the evil of boys, how to take over the world, etc. - your basic maniacal evil dictator-in-training stuff. Her mind is a sponge at this point, use that to your advantage.
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:42 pm (UTC)
At this point I'm not sure if I'm hoping the end will come sooner, or if I want her to hold out much longer... :(

I think I need to get a snuggly or something so I can carry her around with me as I do things.
Mar. 17th, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
I hope things look up for your Buzzer! Sorry to here that news.

Glad to hear that you and your daughter are well though. Before you know it she'll be talking your ears off and you'll be playing much w/her.

Where does the time go and can't believe a month has already passed. When are we getting pics? Huh, Huh.....do I ned to send out a request for Charlie (our LJ photographer) over there to take pics for us lol!

Have a good day and love to you, baby and your Buzzer.
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks Laney... pics will come when I get some time to upload them.
Mar. 17th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)
read to her!!!!
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:43 pm (UTC)
I'm finding that challenging while I still have to hold her head up :/

Maybe in another month or so.
Mar. 17th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)
I can't believe it's been a month already. How tired are you at the end of the day? Is Alex sleeping to a decent pattern during the night?
Mar. 21st, 2006 04:44 pm (UTC)
Tell me about it, it seems like we only JUST brought her home! At the end of the day, I'm completely exhausted. I mean totally. She is sleeping to a deccent pattern during the night, but the problem is that she's not napping during the day. I need naps... I'm still recovering damnit! If I don't get my naps I'm in tears by the end of the day.
Mar. 21st, 2006 07:13 pm (UTC)
Well you're doing fine, coping with stress and keeping us updated, so keep it up!
Mar. 18th, 2006 07:43 am (UTC)
Oh my poor Buzzer - there has to be SOMETHING. I mean wtf...just losing weight - does she have a worm? Thyroid problem? How can the vet just toss words around - how about tossing a diagnosis around.

Sorry I'm a little passionate about Kitty health. I like the reading idea and singing and just talking non-stop to Alex - in french or spanish or mandarin.

:) Let's teach her how to say Auntie Rissa. I know she's a month but she's probably a genius right?
Mar. 21st, 2006 06:19 pm (UTC)
Well, we've done most of the tests that we can do... at this point the next set we're looking at are like, MRI's and CT scans. Neither of which would be cheap, nor would a proper diagnosis likely prolong her life. For some reason she's not absorbing the food she's eating, and the most likely cause of that is cancer :(
Mar. 26th, 2006 11:08 pm (UTC)
You'll be fine as a mother, don't overintellectualize it. Let your instincts flow. So many new moms want to 'follow the curriculum' and feel pressure to focus their babies brain development with specific stimuli etc., and really this is not that important.

Sing to her
Talk to her about any little thing
sit with her silently and just snuggle and touch

Visual and vocal stimuli are great, but really all she needs is to feel safe and loved.... and I'm sure you've got that covered! :)

( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

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