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The following are tell-tale signs that you've lived in Saskatchewan too long:

  • Losing sight of the horizon, for even a few seconds, leaves you with that icky feeling of disorientation for the rest of the day.

  • You're confused when cars come equipped with options that would never be needed, such as curb feelers and turn signals and yet, obvious options such as trailer hitches and air conditioning, are extras.

  • You actually understand, and perhaps can describe in detail, the geographical necessity for correction lines.

  • You rent off-season storage space for your snowmobile on a week-by-week basis.

  • You sort your laundry into three loads: greens; whites; and green & whites.

  • Your other vehicle is a Massey.

  • You've required a total of 40 stitches over the years for various lacerations suffered while doing the butterfly at wedding dances.

  • Every birthday you receive exactly the present you most desperately need: a new curling broom.

  • You can't understand why those American television networks never settle on a schedule, instead of shifting all their programs back and forth an hour every spring and fall.

  • While cleaning out your teenage son's closet, you're alarmed you discover tucked away in the back is a foot-high stack of old Western Producers.

  • You're on a first-name basis with the clerks at the Payless Shoe store in Minot.

  • You always know Christmas is near because stores stay open late TWO nights a week rather than one.

  • You question why they didn't call them the Cypress Mountains.

  • You catch yourself "getting down" to the radio jingles for post-emergent broad-leaf weed control.

  • You actually have enough ball caps to match every shirt you own, although you still insist on wearing only one so the others don't get dirty.

  • You overhear someone explain how he installed a counter binder on his combine's pulley-driven wheat flattener with a square head hydrostatic coupler, using a universal bushing degreaser, and you can't believe he left only 5 inches of clearance between the kernel rotor and the straw-feed regulator, the idiot!

  • You understand, and become quite emotional, when some outsider doesn't know the difference between a farmer and a rancher.

  • Your idea of gun control is when you make sure the bead drawn on the gopher is aligned with the sights before you gently squeeze, not pull, the trigger.

  • When the bank teller asks to see some proof of identification and you point to the arm patch on your slow-pitch jacket.

  • You never realized you had a fear of heights until the day you made the mistake of peering down an open well.

  • Your pronunciation of "Saskatchewan" is down to 1 syllable: "Skatchw'n."

  • Once every 23 years you perform strange ritualistic dances in public places. (Riders win Grey Cup)

Copyright 2003-2017 by Shar

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